10 Biblical Answers to Modern Marriage Confusion
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
10:00 PM on Tuesday, September 9
By Cantice Greene, Marriage
2. What Is the Makeup of a Marriage?
The makeup of marriage was always supposed to be one man and one woman. What about polygamy? Or unfaithfulness? On so many occasions, the scriptures underscore this point. The second chapter of Genesis says, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him” (vs. 18). Then, verses 21-24 continue in a similar thread,
So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord took too out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord made a woman from the rib, and brought her to the man.
“’At last!’ The man exclaimed.”
“’This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken from man’” (vs. 23).
“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united as one” (vs. 24).
Later in Ephesians 5: 31-33 the same phrase is repeated, adding that this is a mystery concerning the church.
“’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. However each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
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3. Are Marriage Partners Equal?
Marriage partners have equal value in the eyes of God, and they submit to one another; however, there is a particular flow chart of responsibility based on Ephesians 4:21-33 (see below). No one can tell a married couple how to divide the duties and responsibilities in a household because the couple has to work out those things in marriage. The bible doesn’t specify all duties, but our guiding principle is found in Ephesians:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Married partners submit to each other. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which He is Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of His body. (verses 21-30)
When I was younger, I would get frustrated with this verse that seems to subordinate the wife. But on closer scrutiny, if I compare the husband’s role to that of Jesus, I see a clearer picture of the value of the wife. Christ was the ultimate example of a servant leader who put others before Himself. His love for the church is so great that He sacrificed Himself for us. Who couldn’t love, respect, and submit to a husband who follows that example?
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4. What Is the Purpose of Marriage?
When we watch modern drama and romance, we might be prone to believe that marriage exists primarily to make ourselves or our marriage partners happy. Happiness is a wonderful byproduct of marriage, but it is not the purpose. Marriage points others to God, God’s unconditional love of the children of Israel, love of the world through the sacrifice of Jesus, and the eternal relationship between Christ and the Church. No other relationship on earth does that. Two scriptures that support those points are given above, 2 Tim. 2:13 and Eph. 5:31-32.
5. What Is the Marriage Relationship Supposed to Be Like?
One beautiful picture of the relationships in marriage is given in the image of the cord presented in Ecclesiastes 4:12. It’s a three-strand cord that represents the husband, the wife, and God:
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
In tough times in marriage, in miscommunication, in financial hardship, in mental and physical sickness, this verse is one to cling to. I sometimes have to repeat verses like this to myself to remind me that marriage is a covenant. It’s binding. So in the hard times, don’t easily give up!
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6. When Is the Right Time to Marry?
News stories and polls continue to report that people are choosing to marry at older ages. According to The Knot, a wedding planning company, the average age of marriage in 2025 is 32 (“What’s the Average…”). While The Knot gives various reasons for this average age of first marriage, the overarching reason is that both partners are in the workforce today. Before I reference the Bible to piece together guidelines for a time to marry, it must be noted that a definitive age to marry is not given. Rather, conditions for the timing of marriage are given. Here are two conditions that may suggest it’s marriage time.
"If someone thinks he is acting improperly toward an unmarried woman whom he knows if he has strong feelings for her and it seems like the right thing to do, he should do what he wants…they should get married." - 2 Corinthians 7:36
"Don’t build a house and establish a home until your field are ready and you know you can earn a living." -Proverbs 24:27
I believe these scriptures are good tips for someone considering when to pop the question.
7. When Is OK for a Married Couple to Separate?
If the guidelines above tell you the timing to get married, what about the timing to separate? Hmm, that may be a loaded question. Below, I give a few scriptures that guide principals for when and when not to separate.
"Haven’t you read, he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female And said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh? What God has joined together, let man not separate." -Matthew 19:5-6
You may be thinking, What if my feelings fade?
Could you imagine a mother’s feelings fading for her child? Spouses’ feelings for each other in marriage grow to be like that. More importantly, during marriage, you learn not to act based on feelings alone.
Of course, the bible also gives the circumstances for divorce. In the book of Matthew, Jesus said, “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (vs. 19).
Sometimes in a marriage relationship, one spouse accepts Christ after the wedding. Then life becomes challenging because the new believer adopts new values and habits. Instructions for this situation are found in I Corinthians 7:12-13, saying, “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.”
But there is another type of separation in marriage. One where sex is withheld. The bible gives us guidelines for when separation through abstinence is permissible in marriage. I Corinthians 7:5 instructs us, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
One scripture in Hebrews gives the overall sentiment of these scriptures on marriage and separation, no matter the context: “Marriage is honorable in every respect; and, in particular, sex within marriage is pure” (Hebrews 13:4).
Photo Credit:© Unsplash/Engin Akyurt
8. Will We Be Married in Heaven?
“How does it feel knowing in heaven you won’t have the same relationship with your significant other?”
When someone texted me asking the question above, I jokingly answered, “If we’re in the middle of an argument, it feels awesome. At other times, it’s more complicated.”
I believe heaven will be so unlike anything we’ve experienced down here that I don’t think I’ll miss the husband-wife relationship. I think I’ll be so full of love for everyone in heaven that all the yearnings I feel on earth will be satisfied. Any need to feel secure, understood, desired, or protected will be fulfilled in heaven without a spouse.
Here's the scripture that tells us we won’t be married in heaven: “At the resurrection, people will neither marry, nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30).
9. Is it OK to Marry Someone Who Believes Differently about God?
It’s amazing we got so far into a discussion on marriage and the Bible before answering this question. We couldn’t end a marriage article without inserting the scripture below:
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Sometimes it feels like this scripture is severely narrowing down our potential mates to only a fraction of the population, but I’d like you to consider it from another perspective. If you or I marry someone who is an unbeliever, we expose ourselves and our children to many harmful unknowns. An example from the bible is in the story of King Solomon (I Kings 11:1-3).
When Solomon married women who believed in other gods (or idols) it brought the destruction of the entire nation of Israel. “Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines, and his wives led him astray” (vs 3). The nations around the Israelites served idols, and eventually, the Israelites served idols too. This is a dangerous pattern that could befall any Christian who marries an unbeliever.
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10. Does God Honor Forced Marriage?
Honor is embedded in marriage, but it doesn’t mean marriage will be easy. Marriage is a covenant. God promises to bless the union that is entered in before Him on the terms He prescribes. The Bible is full of guidelines for spouses, including examples of how to go after a wayward spouse (Hosea), how to live with an unbelieving spouse (I Corinthians 7), and how to submit to and love your spouse (Ephesians 4). It also tells us how and when to offer your body to your spouse, when to abstain (I Corinthians 7:5), and many other guiding principles. In a nutshell, the Bible champions marriage consistently. When we’re confused about the relationship, it’s the right book to turn to get our questions answered and to be encouraged. The scripture in Hebrews is a perfect reminder of how God feels about marriage: “Marriage is honorable in every respect; and, in particular, sex within marriage is pure” (Hebrews 13:4).
References: The Knot. “The Average Age of Marriage in the US? Our Data Reveals the Number.” https://www.theknot.com/content/average-age-of-marriage Accessed 14 August 2025.
Photo Credit: ©Sandy Millar/Unsplash
